As part of the Annual Retreat of the Handmaids of the Holy Child Jesus (HHCJ ), a session focused on “Mature Consecration and the Mission of Carrying Love,” with emphasis on matured discipleship and the call to give one’s life generously in love.
Leading the reflection on the theme “Carrying Tension Without Passing It On,” Rev. Fr. Edmund Agorgom, SJ, challenged the retreatants to develop the spiritual maturity needed to receive tensions, burdens and difficult experiences without transferring them to others.
Fr. Agorgom observed that tension is an inevitable reality of community life.
Every family, Religious community and human relationship experiences tension, which can arise from fear, questions of power, change, disappointment and uncertainty.
These tensions, he noted, also reveal the fact that human beings are still unfinished and continually growing.
According to him, the important question is not whether tension exists, but what happens to us when tension reaches us.
He explained that when tensions are not brought to prayer and processed in the presence of God, they can easily be passed on to others through contempt, gossip, bitterness, resentment or even silence used as a means of punishment.
Drawing inspiration from the life of Jesus, Fr. Agorgom presented a different way of responding to tension. Jesus, he noted, received betrayal and returned love; He received fear and responded with surrender.
In this way, Christ offers His disciples a model of absorbing difficult experiences without allowing them to become sources of further pain for others.
The Jesuit priest acknowledged that such discipleship is not easy. Imitating Christ in carrying the burdens and tensions of others can sometimes be as demanding as the agony experienced by Jesus in Gethsemane.
He, therefore, distinguished between early enthusiasm and mature discipleship. Early enthusiasm may say, “I will serve generously,” while mature discipleship says, “I will keep loving even when it is costly.”
Fr. Agorgom paid particular attention to the responsibility of leaders in religious communities. Leaders, he said, often receive the complaints, fears, grief, confusion and spiritual heaviness of those entrusted to their care. Each of these experiences carries an invisible burden, and leaders must acknowledge that the burden is real without allowing it to consume or harden them.
At the same time, he stressed that carrying tension does not mean tolerating abuse or injustice. Boundaries, truth and justice remain essential in community life. Some behaviours and unhealthy patterns must be confronted rather than ignored.
However, even when confrontation becomes necessary, the spirit in which truth is communicated matters.
Fr. Agorgom encouraged the retreatants to learn that “we can correct while still blessing; we can set limits without hatred.”
Truth can be spoken without revenge, resentment or bitterness becoming the driving force behind the confrontation.
He further emphasised the importance of prayer and healthy companionship for those carrying the burdens of others. Jesus Himself sought the companionship of His disciples, asking them to remain with Him. In the same way, consecrated persons need moments when they stop carrying everyone else and allow God to carry them.
“Some people are strong by temperament,” he observed, “but strength without release can become hardened.”
He encouraged the sisters to create space for prayer, rest, surrender and genuine companionship, recognizing that they cannot always carry the burdens of others through their own strength.
According to Fr. Agorgom, mature consecration creates a small space between receiving and reacting. Such a pause, though seemingly insignificant, can prevent an emotional reaction from escalating into a deeper conflict.
He described this pause as an important spiritual discipline capable of protecting community life.
“A Sister who carries tension well saves the community from fire. She does not add to the poison,” he said.
The retreatants were invited to imagine a form of Religious leadership that is both gentle and clear, and communities in which blessings become stronger than complaints.
Such maturity, Fr. Agorgom explained, does not mean avoiding difficult conversations or pretending that everything is well. Rather, it means learning to face difficult realities with truth while allowing Christ’s love to shape the response.
The reflection ultimately called the Handmaids to seek the grace not merely to accomplish good works, but to become women through whom Christ’s patience, mercy and love can pass to others.
They were encouraged to become sisters who can tell the truth without losing love, stand firmly without hatred, carry burdens without transmitting them, and stand in the fire while still blessing.
The reflection formed part of the ongoing annual retreat of the Handmaids of the Holy Child Jesus, under the broader theme of “Mature Consecration and the Mission of Carrying Love.”
By Sr. Emmanuella Dakurah HHCJ, (Catholic Sister Communicators Network-GH, CASCON-GH)
